I have really been struggling lately between desiring to begin grad school ASAP (heck, I wanted to start in June '05) and wanting to make wise financial decisions. I decided to be wise and put off grad school till at least June 2006. Crushing, but wise. I wrote the dean at IWS to let him know I would defer enrollment. I emailed the friend I was planning on staying with (IWS is a virtual campus built on one week of actual togetherness) to let her know I wouldn't be coming.
I moved in with the Wilsons this past weekend. Community feels wonderful. Saving money is a bonus. Still with the move, it would be a while before I would feel confident to take on IWS as originally planned. But I have been looking to God and accepting that what is right isn't always easy/fun/exciting.
I just walked out of my boss, Pete's, office. I went in to somewhat hesitantly ask if I it would be okay for me to get a nose ring. I didn't want to do it if the company wouldn't appreciate a nose-ring-clad-twenty-something representing them. Not only can I get the ring, I am also getting a raise at my 6-months-of-employment anniversary (aka the month full tuition is due for IWS). The raise will cover my first semester of grad school. Not only can I go, I can start in January as I had originally planned (which specifically rocks because I will be studying with two of my fellow Trinity alumnae).
So, God is faithful and I feel totally undeserving of this blessing. It's hard to understand why He loves us and takes such good care of us. Sometimes I feel bad for how many incredible things He has done in my life. Sometimes my friends who love God seem to endure a lot more crap than I've ever been given. I can't explain why it happens, but I hope that I never grow complacent or unthankful. I hope I always realize I am undeserving. It really has nothing to do with who I am, and everything to do with who God is.
